“It’s like God, I’m not sure if They exist but I’m afraid of what might happen to me, what I could lose, if I’m wrong.” Then she goes on, something about algorithms and other girls and the person she would be if she weren’t stuck as the person she is now.
I nod my head and think about how I wish I were ripe with potential again. How I want to grow up and when people ask about the past, a much better version of myself says, “I used to be an object called a girl, turned into a woman with the impulse all punished out of her. A very tightly wound yo-yo in the hand. One day The Forces That Be stuck a finger into my loop and thrust forward, sent me flying into the air. What felt so serious became a toy. I was all axle, string, and bearing, then I was wind on the face. The lack of control made me careless about remembering to worry. Now I am free, and it isn’t fleeting, and I can’t forget how to feel so sure and so good.”